2026-04-23

Don't what your whatting what phest??

Bienvenidos todo a una otra e-mail de "Don't Bring Your Phucking Phone Phest!"That's Spanish for "Hi guys (etc)!" and boy oh boy, we've got one doozey of a phest planned for you this week. And I use the term "planned" very loosely, because I don't think we've ever planned anything for an ordinary weekly phest (it's total chaos). I'm also using the term "we've" very loosely because "we have" would really be more accurately represented as "we have not", so all in all I think the sentence I meant to write was more like:"Golly willikers everybody, we'ven't got one doozy of a plan, but rather, more of a chaotic miasma of random phoneless socialization arbitrarily dart-boarded to the calendar this week."It doesn't really roll off the tongue as well, but I feel like that's definitely more accurate, and ultimately, accuracy's the most important part of any type of communication. Anyway, I'm sure you're eager for the specifics so here they are:==============================Date: Thursday, April 23, 2026Location: Pizza VillaTime: 5pm to 8PM==============================I think the theme this week is crazy contractions. Specifically, words like we'ven't, because I'dn't've used that kind of a crazy language in just any old email, and you'dn't've tolerated it either. At least, I hope you'dn't've, because we really need't've some standards here on the limitations o'th english language, and once youg't'o triple apostrophe territory we're'll past most reasonable limits.
In any case, the phest to which one shouldn't've brought one's phone (had one brought one's phone to said phest) is happening this week as usual, and upon our departure we will have hoped to not've seen your phucking phones there!

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